Today a game taught me how to crack an actual safe

Why on earth has Donlan asked me to write about locks? I don’t care about locks. I’ve got a key that does all the thinking about locks I ever want to do, thank you. Locks are annoying – ask any burglar and I bet they’ll say the same!

It’s not just any lock he’s asked me to look at: it’s safes. Safecracking. You know what I mean because you’ve seen it in umpteen films. The dial on the door, the reclusive safecracker, stethoscope pressed up against a slab of a metal door, and then click-click-clack, they whirl around triumphantly, opening the door. Donlan wants me to do that. Not for any illicit purposes I should add! We’re not creating some kind of Eurogamer Crime Club! Imagine that! Ha ha! Nervous laugh!

No no, I’m talking about a safecracking game. Quick question: do safe-burglars (an oxymoron if ever I’ve heard one) think it’s a game? Anyway! The game is Sophie’s Safecracking Simulator. Who is Sophie? Sophie Houlden, a rather a prolific game maker. Do they belong to a secret world of safe-crackers? I don’t know. Why are they sharing their secrets? I don’t know. But they are.

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