Hey! Got about $200 to spare and want to blow it on something profoundly stupid? Please DM me for my PayPal! But if that doesn’t work for you, how about this? Kingdom Come: Deliverance—the RPG series about being a bemudded peasant—has a perfume for sale. It costs €156 (about $180 / £135) for 50ml, and it only ships to Europe.

I don’t know why this exists except that a marketing person at Warhorse probably thought it would be very funny, and fair play, they were right. KCD’s trademark stink comes courtesy of Kintsugi Perfumes, a Czech scent house that aims to create “gender-neutral” fragrances that “combine French perfumery tradition with the wisdom of Eastern philosophies”. So jot that down.

As for the KCD perfume? It has a lot going on, apparently. Its “fragrance pyramid” (I am learning a lot) consists of “ingredients that accompany the player throughout the game world.”

“Perfumer Martin Švach drew inspiration from the notes encountered by the main character Henry within the game. He gathers sage, chamomile, and lavender to brew healing potions, and consumes apples or honey to gain energy for fulfilling tasks assigned by his commander, Jan Zizka.”

Per the site, the perfume’s head evokes apple, lavender and mint. Its heart is made up of chamomile, rose, elderflower, honey, and sage. Finally, its base consists of olibanum, leather, papyrus, and birch. Blood, gunpowder, and military encampment latrines are presumably being withheld for bottle #2.

There is a truly impressive amount of literature about the scent on its store page. “Centuries pass, kingdoms rise and fall, yet the essence of presence remains unchanged. It is not claimed in words. It begins before a single one is spoken. In ages of iron, smoke, and ash, those who carried a noble scent were set apart, as if they were meant to be followed.

“Today, armor may evolve into tailored suits, horses into machines, yet charisma obeys the same rules it always has. You are perceived through how you make others feel, and nothing shapes that feeling more instantly than scent. It is timeless. Those who understand it are remembered ever after.

“These are not distant notes, but fragments of a world you already know.”

This blurb, too, evokes a time long-past: 14-year-old me trying to hit the word count on an English essay.