I tried playing Elden Ring without playing Elden Ring, and it was going fine until I ran into the most terrifying boss of them all

I should have been better. But I’m not, and here I am.

A Tarnished named Timmy sits by the site of grace tucked just inside Nokron, Eternal City. In this cavernous, overwhelming locale, as with all the others he’s passed through to get here, he’s got all the power a fighter could ever hope for coursing through his veins. The problem is, right now, it’s totally useless to him.

This uber-god among demigods – resembling Kurt Russell if he were to lose an eye and suffer from the kind of frostbite you’d only get doing nude snow angels at the north pole – looks mournfully down the trusty medallion he’s just unequipped. The medallion that malign and mocking forces beyond his knowledge have modded so that it makes him totally invincible. The medallion that, so far, has helped him best the likes of Rennala, Godrick, and the mighty Radahn in one go.

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