I don’t know what the nudity toggle in Dragon Age: The Veilguard does. I mean I know what it says it does—allows nudity during sex scenes—but I’ve been through two full romances so far and those sex scenes have rationed out exactly one shirtless man apiece and a very PG-13 fade to black encounter. What the hell did I set that toggle to “on” for, then?

Dragon Age games have long been known not just for their companion characters, but specifically for the romances with those characters that eventually lead to hot and horizontal situations. It’s been such a beloved pillar of the series that other RPGs have incorporated a very similar style of party member romance. The Veilguard continues that tradition… or so it says. BioWare certainly played very coy ahead of launch about that nudity toggle in the settings menu and just how much my companions would wind up showing off. The answer is, well, basically nothing.

The Veilguard romance options all start out promising enough. Throughout the early hours of the game I get to meet all my new comrades in god-battling arms and have opportunities to flirt a little with each of them. We go on outings together—coffee with Lucanis, a field trip with Davrin—where I can make eyes at them and get a bit of interest in return. But I had to be very patient for more than that.

It isn’t until act three, easily 30 hours in, that I got to officially express interest in Lucanis and then, finally, a moment fraught with some sexual tension and an almost-kiss that he runs away from. But then I didn’t catch another moment alone with Lucanis for several hours. After fully completing his personal quest, which I was beelining through unashamedly searching for that romance juice, Lucanis says in a quite sultry fashion “I have other plans for tonight” as he and Rook plan to head back to the lighthouse together. Okay, I thought, now we’re going places.

His plans were drinking a cup of coffee alone in the kitchen. Oh, and I get to tell him that I’m glad he isn’t running off home to his faction the Antivan Crows until after this god smashing stuff is sorted. Did I miss something? Did I screw up?

As act three of the game wore on, the names of my save files grew more desperate:

• Committing to Lucanis (42h33m)
• Is it Lucanis time yet (44h39m)
• Lucanis bro cmon now (55h47m)

That coveted sex scene finally happens on Rook’s last night in the lighthouse before the big fight. Lucanis soothes Rook emotionally, looks at them longingly, finally kisses them, and then falls fully clothed onto the uncomfortable-looking lighthouse couch and wakes up shirtless. I can’t lie: I was pretty bummed. I suppose if I’d chosen a different undergarment option in character creation possibly Rook would have been shirtless too. I didn’t realize I was selecting the nevernude route.

So I went back and completed Davrin’s romance. Then I looked up a video of Neve’s romance, and Harding’s, and Emmrich’s, and found they all basically follow this same pattern: an almost-kiss, a conversation about commitment, and a last night together at the lighthouse where everyone’s wearing their jammies after. Taash does strip down at one point, at least.

I don’t want to make this a pissing contest with the immensely horny and full-frontal nudity sensation that Baldur’s Gate 3 was last year. But even when I measure The Veilguard against its own predecessors I’m baffled. Did Dorian really get his whole ass out at Skyhold so that all these Veilguard heroes could chicken out?

Nudity aside, the formulaic script for these romances really robs them of the passion that Dragon Age 2 and Inquisition both managed to capture. Dragon Age 2’s romances, especially the rival-mances where you could still be with someone who disapproved of your actions, were full of tension. I’ll never forget blushing over Fenris yelling at and immediately making out with Hawke or Isabella tossing aside her daggers as she tumbles you into bed.

Inquisition’s romances were incredibly varied: from courting Cassandra with love poems to falling into bed with The Iron Bull at every chance, to Cullen’s tortured yearning. There was hardly any more nudity than The Veilguard offers—Taash’s backside shot essentially equating to Dorian’s—but they communicated each character’s personality so much more effectively than The Veilguard’s assembly line relationships.

The series’ history, that nudity setting, and everything BioWare said ahead of launch really led me to expect something saucier than what The Veilguard served up. Not everything needs to be raunchy. I’m just not sure what I was actually opting into.