“Stop masturbating and listen up, America.” This is the opening line on the website for Cards Against Humanity’s new election campaign — and it just gets more outrageous from there.
“It’s time to face reality, get off your ass, and cast your fucking ballot this year. If you didn’t vote in 2020, Cards Against Humanity will PAY you to apologize, make a voting plan, and publicly post ‘Donald Trump is a human toilet’ — up to $100 if you live in a swing state and lean blue.”
To do this, the company is apparently “exploiting a legal loophole” that it says “should probably be illegal.” As of publication, 1,767 people have taken it up on its offer — although clicking on the “Get paid to apologize button” currently leads to a page that says it’s down for maintenance.
So how does Cards Against Humanity know that someone didn’t vote in 2020? Or that they lean blue? Well, it did a perfectly reasonable thing and apparently formed a Super PAC — an independent political action committee that is allowed to raise funds, but isn’t allowed to contribute or coordinate directly with parties or candidates — and then “bought the personal voting records of every American citizen from a data broker we found on the internet.”
To pay for this campaign, Cards Against Humanity is asking U.S. citizens and permanent residents to donate $7.99 to its Super PAC; in return, they’ll receive a 2024 Election Pack of 30 cards that have “fresh jokes about botched assassinations and weirdos who want to force women to become broodmares for the state.” Donors will receive the pack of cards tax-free and with free shipping about a week after they order, according to Cards Against Humanity.
The company also points out that because people are donating to the Super PAC, and not buying the cards themselves, they can “donate as much as [they] want during checkout.” The company has also thrown in $100,000 of its own money as part of the campaign. Cards Against Humanity says that all of the proceeds from this campaign will go towards paying the non-voters who sign up — although the website doesn’t specify what will happen with any excess money.
If you’ve read this far and you’re thinking, “What the fuck?” you’re not alone. Cards Against Humanity itself leans into how ridiculous this whole campaign is. It has jokes in the banner at the top of the website about Trump sucking gorilla balls and loving Jeffrey Epstein, JD Vance eating their dog and fucking their LA-Z-Boy, and Elon Musk not being a genius.
So, America, this is what it’s come to. If you want to lean into the memes and fund non-voters publicly declaring that “Trump is a human toilet,” now you can.
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