{"id":1632669,"date":"2026-07-13T16:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-07-13T16:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/xJcmSdMSF75jd5W4EBFkjh"},"modified":"2026-07-13T16:00:00","modified_gmt":"2026-07-13T16:00:00","slug":"violent-criminals-keep-escaping-justice-but-i-sure-am-taking-some-nice-photos-of-evidence-in-this-crime-scene-simulator","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/arcader.org\/news\/violent-criminals-keep-escaping-justice-but-i-sure-am-taking-some-nice-photos-of-evidence-in-this-crime-scene-simulator\/","title":{"rendered":"Violent criminals keep escaping justice, but I sure am taking some nice photos of evidence in this crime scene simulator"},"content":{"rendered":"
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(Image credit: Future)<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

AI is coming for our jobs, so it’s time to find a new one. In No XP Needed<\/a>, Chris Livingston is playing as many job simulators as he can until he finds his next career. This week: Forensics: Crime Scene Detective<\/a>, a sim about solving crimes.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Everything I know about crime scene investigations I learned from the TV series CSI: Miami, a show where sexy people get murdered and different sexy people\u2014plus David Caruso\u2014solve the crime by doing lab work.<\/p>\n

My memory of the show is that Caruso always kicks off the episode by saying the first part of a sentence, then puts on his sunglasses and finishes the sentence with a devastating zinger related to the sexy murder victim. But that’s sort of not true. His zingers in this 8-minute montage of Horation Caine one-liners<\/a> are pretty darn underwhelming. Sometimes he just states the obvious, like when a body that had been thrown off a building was determined to have been killed elsewhere:<\/p>\n

“Priority number one\u2026” *sunglasses*<\/strong> “…is for us to find the murder scene.”<\/p>\n

Yep. That’s\u2026 that’s the thing everyone already knows you need to do. Wasn’t a cool thing to say, and didn’t need to be said at all.<\/p>\n

Hoping to fill his shoes this week, I’m trying out a new career in Forensics: Crime Scene Detective<\/a>, and unfortunately it seems I’m about as good at solving crimes as David Caruso is at delivering memorable zingers.<\/p>\n

My first case is to collect evidence from a drug dealer’s apartment. Not drugs, unfortunately, but electronic devices that include communications to his clients, perhaps text messages that read “hey if you would you like to buy some illegal drugs hmu \ud83d\udc89\ud83d\udc8a\ud83c\udf3f\ud83e\udd2a”<\/p>\n

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At the apartment I get to label, photograph, and collect evidence, which is rad. I’ve seen them do it on TV a million times: placing little yellow plastic numbered markers next to things like bullet holes and blood stains and then taking photos. In the alleged drug dealer’s apartment there are just a couple smartphones and a password written on a post-it note, so I label ’em, snap ’em, and take them back to the lab.<\/p>\n

That’s where the problems begin. I use the password to access one of the phones, but the other is damaged so I have to open it up and “desolder” it: heat up the memory card so the glue melts and it can be removed\u2014but without heating it up so much it’s destroyed. I gingerly heat the card and try to remove it. Nope. I try again. Nope. <\/p>\n

Ultimately, it goes the way things go anytime I toast a bagel: <\/p>\n